Understanding What We Can and Cannot Control: A Guide to Inner Peace

Phillip Moore
Feb 11
3 min read

Updated: Feb 27

Many of us spend countless hours worrying about circumstances beyond our control while neglecting the aspects of our lives where we can make meaningful changes. Learning to distinguish between what we can and cannot control is essential for maintaining mental well-being and practicing effective self-care.

The Wisdom of Acceptance

Think of life as a garden. While we cannot control the weather, we can choose which seeds to plant, how to nurture them, and how to protect them from harsh conditions. Similarly, in life, while we cannot control external events or other people's actions, we can control our responses, attitudes, and the steps we take to care for ourselves.

What We Can Control

💡 Our Responses

The way we react to situations is entirely within our control. When faced with challenges, we can choose to respond with:

✔️ Patience

✔️ Understanding

✔️ Humor

Rather than letting immediate emotional reactions guide our behavior, we can take a mindful approach to responding.

⏳ Our Daily Habits

We have significant control over our daily routines and practices, such as:

🍽️ Choosing nutritious foods

😴 Prioritizing sleep and rest

🏋️‍♀️ Engaging in physical activity

📖 Curating the media and information we consume

🚪 Our Boundaries

Setting and maintaining healthy boundaries is crucial for mental well-being. This means deciding:

When to say "no" to additional commitments
How much energy to invest in relationships
What behaviors we will and won’t accept from others
How accessible we make ourselves to others’ demands

What We Cannot Control

Other People's Actions

No matter how much we might wish to, we cannot control:

❌ Others' opinions or judgments

❌ How others choose to treat us

❌ Whether someone else decides to change

❌ Other people’s level of commitment or effort

⛈️ External Circumstances

Many external factors remain outside our control, such as:🌪️

Natural events and weather
Economic conditions
Global events
The passage of time
Random occurrences and coincidences

Practical Steps for Implementation

1 Practice Mindful Awareness

Notice when you're worrying about something.
Ask yourself: "Is this something I can influence or change?"

2 Create Control Categories

Make two lists: one for things you can control and another for things you cannot.
Update these lists regularly as your perspective evolves.

3 Focus Your Energy Wisely

Redirect your attention toward areas where you can make a difference, such as:
🎨 Developing new skills
🏃‍♀️ Improving health habits
🤝 Strengthening meaningful relationships
📚 Working on personal growth

4 Develop Acceptance Practices

For things beyond your control, cultivate acceptance through:

🧘 Meditation

📓 Journaling

💬 Speaking with a trusted friend or therapist

🎶 Engaging in calming activities

The Path Forward

Recognizing what we cannot control isn’t about giving up or becoming passive. Instead, it’s about channeling our energy more effectively and finding peace within our limitations. As you practice this discernment, you may notice:

✅ Reduced anxiety about things beyond your control

✅ More effective problem-solving for things within your control

✅ Increased sense of personal empowerment

✅ Better emotional regulation

✅ Improved relationships as you stop trying to control others

Final Thoughts 💡

Understanding and accepting the boundaries of our control is a lifelong journey. Some days will be easier than others, and that’s perfectly normal. Approach this practice with self-compassion and patience, knowing that each small step toward acceptance and wise action contributes to your overall well-being. 💕